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| but maybe i shouldnt have
friends anymore like honestly
i dont deserve them
like what the fuck seriously
i feel bad that for 2 months ive
basically not told trevor everything
and he hasnt texted me back
i just wish i was already perfect
tyler is pretty much the bestest friend i could ask for just laying
cuddling with me and talking to me mademy night
just a little bit better.
i love tyler for real
i also love trevor and i fucking hope everyone
knows because he has changed my heart
soo much and made me open to a lot
this blog is really open.
dang.
what have i done?
causei feel like giving up | | |
| 37 days or 1 month and 5 days
i think i have unlocked my heart and thrown the key to trevor.
im pretty sure i love him.
im not the person to say the 'i love you'
to just anyone and i dont take it lightly
i think when you say something you should
mean it. ive been contemplating telling him
because i want to make sure he feels it and
not just me feeling it and him saying it because
well whats the point in that. last night with him was probably the best night
we've spend together. we were just cuddling in
my bed and he fell aleep i dont know i just knew
he was comfortable with me when he did that it
meant a lot. its weird i know. like
when he's sleeping i just want to stare at him
and when hes awake i just want to look into
his eyes. i feel like sometimes i barely know
anything about him.
but i want to get to know him
more and more and more and more. ugh thats all =]
kimmie
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| happykimmers: do you ever just feel alone. and its not one of those "oh poor me i have no friends alone" its like legitimately alone. where your heart just doesnt have the will to try and find that thing you need. | | |
| Saturday, October 6, 2007
today we had a SENIOR meeting, and it was just like this sad thing for me like it totally flipped my day. they played this slideshow from their freshmen year with like everyone in it, and granted i DID choose to move here for senior year that just didnt make it any easier. and then they talked about your parents being at grauation. its sad i mean because i love my parents(realize that i will never call my parents step parents)to death, but its hard to know my mom[rip] wont be there. like i feel bad for saying that because of that movie step mom or whatever but its really how i feel. like people always say shes in your heart. sometimes in my heart isnt enough. maybe for one day she could be sitting next to me, or laying next to me or anything else but in my heart. in my heart is nothing try telling yourself that in your hearts good enough, once one of your parents dies because im realizing that sometimes its not
Sunday, October 07, 2007
today i found pictures in the closet. and im just like overwhelmed. people dont know how much a picture means to me. i found pictures of me and my mom. i had NONE. i mean yea from when i was a baby but none from when i was a little bit older. i wish i wouldve known about these a lot longer ago. my mom isnt anything i remember. shes more. her smile. her eyes. her love i can just see. i miss it. i miss her. a lot lately. i just need a hug from her to tell me its okay. cause sometimes i feel alone still. and its hard because i have god and people who love me. but its hard because my mom loved me so much, she gave me the world. we always talked about how in high school i would tell her all my secrets. well i do. but i cant hear her talk to me back.crying this is embarassing ill delete it soon. | | |
| I havent wrote in here foreverrrrrrrrrrrrr. I thought it was about time.
Well I've moved to missouri for my senior year and its been up and down.
Definately had its highs and lows. Im making some of the greatest friends
who i couldnt imagine my senior year without, but im sad i live it with out my
best friends from colorado like amanda, annie, erin, sarah, sean, tyler, adge,
but i couldnt ask for a better family here. im leading wyldlife with a bunch of
teachers and its hard because this team is not like my team last year but im
learning to deal alright. moving is change, and i guess for me i just act like
im in a movie and its this fairytale, or maybe thats what my life is a fairytale.
i've missed my mom lately and i feel bad talking about it with my parents here
so i dont. its hard to keep reminding someone that your heart is so torn up from
everything. my mom took a piece of my heart when she died. and i dont know if
that part of my life will ever be okay. and my dad took a piece of my heart when,
when i told him we were moving all he could do was shrug his shoulders not even
a plee for me to stay. and maybe he's heartbroken, but im heartbroken because
i know my dad loves me i just want him to tell me with his words and actions, not
just with his money. thats it for tonight. | | |
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